Give me a brutal offensive roast of "smashings" Any text in quotes is the slang term - format all mentions of it with double asterisks to bold them. Provide 10 examples in a table format.
| Example Number | Brutal Offensive Roast |
|---|---|
| 1 | Smashings? More like smash failures – you can’t even make a decent sandwich without crying. |
| 2 | If smashings were a sport, they’d have a trophy for the most embarrassing loss in history. |
| 3 | I’ve seen dogs do better than smashings – at least they don’t try to be everything and end up being nothing. |
| 4 | Smashings? That’s not a lifestyle, that’s a death sentence with extra cheese. |
| 5 | You call that a meal? I’ve seen better from a toaster. Smashings are just lunch for the desperate. |
| 6 | If smashings had a face, it would be crying into a bag of chips at midnight. |
| 7 | Don’t even get me started – smashings are like a bad relationship that you can’t escape. |
| 8 | I’d rather eat dirt than have another smashing – it’s like the universe is mocking me. |
| 9 | Smashings? That’s not food, that’s a statement of failure. |
| 10 | You think you’re cool with smashings? No – you're just sad, and you know it. |